Escaping the Arboreal Prison

I keep hearing this phrase, “I couldn’t code/program my way out of a paper bag,” so I decided to clear this up for everyone.

PHP, Perl, Javascript:

function paperBag(self) {
    // Here, we find ourselves trapped inside the paperBag function
    // How do we escape?
    return self;
}

That wasn’t so hard, was it? Now you can all sleep soundly at night, taking comfort in the knowledge that you can avoid such a fate.